All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
