Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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