Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
