You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
