It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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