Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
