i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
