cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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