you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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