So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
