I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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