Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I deserve this hangover.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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