Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
