I think I am morally bankrupt
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
