remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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