Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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