Michael Bay diarrhea
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
