Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You can't motorboat a personality
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
