yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
