just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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