it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
