Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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