He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
is this the sara with the beer cane?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
