I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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