i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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