they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
