Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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