Are we in a gay sports bar?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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