You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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