I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
