he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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