she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
