Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
