Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
