She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
