GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
