It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
