apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
