Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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