You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
