The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
