Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
