Welp...herpes.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
