Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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