I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
