I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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