I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
zippers are such a cool invention
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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