so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
