My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
