Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
