And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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