I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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