you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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