just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sorry my hands just texted you
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
