oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
