Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
