I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
