But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
