Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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