She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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