The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Every concussion has its silver lining
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
