Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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