Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
