I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
