I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Why are your pants in the freezer?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
