Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
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Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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