You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
