Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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