ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
