If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize