New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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